the feeling stages on a change 🔀

how you may feel when change is not your choice

Similarly to when we need to cope with a loss, the adjustment to a new life may take some stages before we feel balanced and move on with our plans. While the well-known Kübler-Ross model on the stages of grief states that we may go through to up five different phases when facing a loss, it may apply as well to how we may feel when change is not our choice, but an imposed decision on us.

the stages of grief and similarities with change

🤨  Denial 

As professor Christina Gregory states in her article,

Denial is the stage that can initially help you survive the loss. …. You start to deny the news and, in effect, go numb. It’s common in this stage to wonder how life will go on in this different state – you are in a state of shock because life as you once knew it, has changed in an instant.”

Christina Gregory, Ph.D.

The denial mechanism is the one that will help you initially to face the change. You will avoid talking about the move. Learning how many forms, legal documents, and certificates you must fill in will make you feel confused and overwhelmed.

Facing the unknown makes you scared, therefor you will deny it. 

This mechanism will help you cope with the whole movement because it can help you in pacing your feeling about the change. When the denial starts to fade, you will be ready to confront the move. 

😠 Anger

“This is a common stage to think “why me?” and “life’s not fair!” You might look to blame others for the cause of your grief and also may redirect your anger to close friends and family. ” – Ph.D. Christina says.

The cause of your anger will be the fact you are moving, not a loss, but the acting will be very similar. “Why do we have to move?’”, when we are so happy and accomplished. “Why the urge? Why now?”

And, while it may seem a negative feeling, it is the one that will help you a big deal! Because it will provide you with some strength, and it will link you with the next steps you need to take: proactively start the moving process and all its points to follow.

 😥 Bargaining 

Bargaining is the stage when you will start making deals with your spouse or partner, “if I go, I want you to promise me one thing…” or “ …. I will only move when I am sure we will come back in….”

You will need to feel some certainty and the fact that you have some control over things. It is quite common to go through this stage, but it does not help either harm you.

It is difficult to say that promises will be possible.

The encouraging part is that you will probably not need them! Since the reward of the new life will be as fulfilling as the previous life, or even more. 

 ☹️ Depression

You may be facing some sort of depression or sadness for the loss of your previous life. While depression is a commonly accepted form of grief, it is not so for a change of life. You may feel sad and people around you may not understand why.

Your family and friends at home may see your new life as a romantic tale, full of adventures and meeting new people; while your new neighbours and friends don’t see what you are going through since they don’t have to face any change.

You must seek support, someone who is going through the same process as you are. Sharing your thoughts and feelings is vital for you to enjoy and learn from this experience.

 😊 Acceptance

As mentioned in the article, acceptance is when you come to terms with accepting the fact.

You have moved, and you will be alright!

You come to realise that you can learn from the new environment and explore new options that were not presented to you before. You can make new plans and act on them!

Realising that you don’t need to deny or erase your previous vital experience is a decisive aspect.

You can add wisdom and expertise into the one you had up until now because you will gain a new perspective and point of view. You will become a more rounded person.  😊

Whenever you are ready…

Consider joining a social group in your new place: volunteer association, a club, the PTA in your children’s school…
One of the best ways to meet people going through a similar experience like you is learning the language! Besides, you will acquire new skills and learn how to communicate with your surroundings!

Isn’t it fantastic? 🎉

Let me look for a good, even better, a great online resource for you. So you can begin your learning process.
I will let you know what I find.

In the meantime, feel free to share any insides and tips you may have. I would love to hear about it!